My Apologies

Sorry friends.

I haven't posted in quite some time. Times have been a little stressful.



But hang tight!!!!


Times are so good now.
There a little busy but I'm definitely gonna try posting more.


haha oh life.

in my head

Pretty much any girl will understand this.

Guys, idk.

But my mind flies, like, a million thoughts per minute. . . like, honestly.

And it's been extra active lately.

thoughts will fly and i'll get hooked on one and I won't stop thinking about it and i'll take it seriously for about a couple weeks and then move on . . .

and it's super annoying.

because after a while, focusing on real subjects becomes SO difficult.


That's it.

flying thoughts.

in my head.

crazy.

Gerber Daisies

So I went to a funeral on Saturday.

Heartbreaking.


They did this thing towards the end where you could, like, stand up and share "a nugget" of a specific memory of Kelly.

IDK. I knew her well growing up but not that well.
And then I thought, "well screw how I feel, it's for her family" . . . . . I still couldn't do it and for some reason I just didn't feel right about it.


There was even one lady who spoke who sounded like she just wanted to talk about HER daughter.

But I don't really know her so I shouldn't judge . . . . that's why I said it sounded like.

So I'm looking around at all the people and I notice all of these big, bright, Gerber Daisies.

Immidiately I thought of my junior prom . . . I know . . . sounds wierd . . . I'll explain.

So I guess this is my little tribute/reflection on my time with Kelly . . . .

so it's totally optional for anyone to hear/read.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So it's junior prom at the Fess Parker Doubletree in S.B.
lot's o' fun.

And i'm with Gavin, Kristen, her boyfriend Chris, Kelsey, and her friend Chelsea.

And we're all dancing and having fun and then we see Josh Bonsworth with Kelly walking over to our table (they were a funny couple cuz he was like a foot taller) and I remember she had this super gorgeous flower print dress on (and I know the exact shop she got it from in Ojai because I remember seeing it in the window and thinking "that's a really cute dress!") any who. . .

so we're all having fun and i'm looking around and I see Kelly with this big huge BRIGHT PINK Gerber Daisy tucked into the side of her hair.

It was the absolute perfect touch to her whole outfit (not to sound like a fashionista) and I just remember thinking the whole time that she was literally, like, the best/most creatively dressed girl their .

I still have a group pic of all of us on the dance floor and even before heard the news about kelly I always thought of her pink flower whenever I looked at prom pictures.

It was a fun night. Lots o' memories.

New but old post

So after much thought (actually only like 2 minutes worth) I decided to post a blog I wrote in november but never posted it because I didn't know if I should, but I did and when I posted it, it did it under the date that i wrote it, not today's date. So if you want to read it (it's pretty interesting) it's down there under "old post" on 11/5/08.

Wow.

So I'm taking anatomy.

Actually, I'm almost done with it!

Sweet.

And I have a great teacher who is so intelligent and awesome at teaching.

Side note: Isn't it funny when a teacher gets a "you're good at teaching Mr.!" comment?
Shouldn't ALL teachers be skilled at teaching? Not just knowing? Seriously.

Okay,


So in anatomy,

it's a difficult class because you're constantly expected to know every bit of detail we go over.
And I really love it, everything we learn, it's so interesting.

And though I'm not as disciplined in my study habits as I should be, I'm still in awe every Monday and Wednesday.

Just,

man,

all the tiny tiny details, your cells make your liver grow and the things that feed them and the hormone that shuts that valve so you don't have acid running through your body and the cells who's primary job is to do that and . . . . . GEEZ!

I mean i could go on forever about the absolute detail we cover and how smart the little things inside our body are and how they constantly, second by second, save our body from dying and it's like,

. . . . we don't even bat an eye as to what is going on inside there.

most of it is involuntary so we really have little control over it, which is sad because i think it prevents a lot of people from being appreciative of there body and everything in it.

But the thing that gets me the most. . .


How. Someone convince me how. All of that can exist and do what it does . . . . by accident?

That some big rocks out in space bumped into each other by chance some organisms developed that by chance we created with the ability to divide that by chance turned into multi-celled things that by chance grew legs? a heart? a brain? an ability to love? to nurture?

if so, you're telling me that the bacteria I smash everyday under my shoe is SMARTER than me?

because it's been alive the longest?

You're telling me that human existence, an absolute wonder, and the way our bodies work is existing because of a string of good luck and chance that's been going on for a couple million years or so?

Damn. If I were bacteria I would've bet money on myself because those are amazing odds!


You're telling me that there is no possible way for any superior being to have had any part in creation?

That everything works so perfectly because it just ended up that way,

by chance.




That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.



When my professor explains certain processes within the human body, he always says "an mother nature realized this would happen so she put this in our bodies so these bad things wouldn't happen".


Mother nature?

So you believe in an old hag made of wind, who is probably a greenish color, but there's absolute no way for God to exist?


Some of the smartest people in the world . . . . are so dumb.


We put germs on a pedestal but God gets the cold shoulder.



Well,

if i've learned anything in anatomy, it's that God truly is outstanding.
Like, literally.

To think that he could create the body to do these thousands and thousands of things and created millions and millions of things to help it, with specific jobs and things to live and die for . . . there HAS to be a God!

NOBODY would have thought of ANY of that!

And I am in such awe of him day by day in an exciting way, because . . .

I'm learning more and more about God through teachings that deny him.

how cool is that?

He reveals himself through human denial . . . . in the public school system, nonetheless.


It's like,
there's no way around it.

It's kind of funny, actually.

But still, I'm amazed.


You know what's funny-er?

. . .

. .


. . . my teacher is Buddhist!

hope

So I've been eating a lot of vanilla ice cream and gummy bears.

Delicious.


I look forward to it during my day.

Hoping my grandpa didn't eat the last of the 'nilla.

Hoping my mom didn't find my gummy stash.


Joke time: What kind of bear doesn't have teeth?

Answer time: . . . . a gummy bear.

So my days have been spent hoping.



Hope.


Not like Obama phrases, but

like

real hope.

Why do we hope?

I mean, at times it's encouraging.
Keeps you going.

But at the same time it's
like
a lack of control, even?


Hope just seems like something lazy.

Hoping you still have that crutch to lean on.

Hoping instead of doing.


Or maybe it's a last resort when you've done everything possible.
Hope is left. . . . ?

iDk.

word of the day i guess.

slumpty dumpty

Bleeeehh.

You know how usually second semester of school, kids start slacking after spring break?

I think it's the same thing for veterans day.

Ever since that 3day weekend (well, 4 for me since I don't have class on fridays), I've been super lazy.

It's like I have this mindset that's like "ooooohhhhhh Alexa. It's okay if you don't study today. There's always tomorrow! And it's okay if you get a 44 out of 60. . . even though it's a "C" it still looks like a "B"! You're doing fine."

Yeah, having the voice of Satan in your head really doesn't help you study.

. . . that sounds kind of creepy.

You get it though.

ANDDDDDD. . . . we only have 3 weeks of school left before finals week.

2 1/2 if you count turkey week as half a week.

I'm constantly trying to fight that slacking urge but it's just so darn hard!

Not to mention Christmas is totally taunting me with lights and smelly candles and really bad eating habits.


Oh well.

'Tis the season, right?



I guess just pray for me to be disciplined these last few weeks and pray for wisdom.

Lots and lots of wisdom.

Super human wisdom, even.