Wow.

So I'm taking anatomy.

Actually, I'm almost done with it!

Sweet.

And I have a great teacher who is so intelligent and awesome at teaching.

Side note: Isn't it funny when a teacher gets a "you're good at teaching Mr.!" comment?
Shouldn't ALL teachers be skilled at teaching? Not just knowing? Seriously.

Okay,


So in anatomy,

it's a difficult class because you're constantly expected to know every bit of detail we go over.
And I really love it, everything we learn, it's so interesting.

And though I'm not as disciplined in my study habits as I should be, I'm still in awe every Monday and Wednesday.

Just,

man,

all the tiny tiny details, your cells make your liver grow and the things that feed them and the hormone that shuts that valve so you don't have acid running through your body and the cells who's primary job is to do that and . . . . . GEEZ!

I mean i could go on forever about the absolute detail we cover and how smart the little things inside our body are and how they constantly, second by second, save our body from dying and it's like,

. . . . we don't even bat an eye as to what is going on inside there.

most of it is involuntary so we really have little control over it, which is sad because i think it prevents a lot of people from being appreciative of there body and everything in it.

But the thing that gets me the most. . .


How. Someone convince me how. All of that can exist and do what it does . . . . by accident?

That some big rocks out in space bumped into each other by chance some organisms developed that by chance we created with the ability to divide that by chance turned into multi-celled things that by chance grew legs? a heart? a brain? an ability to love? to nurture?

if so, you're telling me that the bacteria I smash everyday under my shoe is SMARTER than me?

because it's been alive the longest?

You're telling me that human existence, an absolute wonder, and the way our bodies work is existing because of a string of good luck and chance that's been going on for a couple million years or so?

Damn. If I were bacteria I would've bet money on myself because those are amazing odds!


You're telling me that there is no possible way for any superior being to have had any part in creation?

That everything works so perfectly because it just ended up that way,

by chance.




That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.



When my professor explains certain processes within the human body, he always says "an mother nature realized this would happen so she put this in our bodies so these bad things wouldn't happen".


Mother nature?

So you believe in an old hag made of wind, who is probably a greenish color, but there's absolute no way for God to exist?


Some of the smartest people in the world . . . . are so dumb.


We put germs on a pedestal but God gets the cold shoulder.



Well,

if i've learned anything in anatomy, it's that God truly is outstanding.
Like, literally.

To think that he could create the body to do these thousands and thousands of things and created millions and millions of things to help it, with specific jobs and things to live and die for . . . there HAS to be a God!

NOBODY would have thought of ANY of that!

And I am in such awe of him day by day in an exciting way, because . . .

I'm learning more and more about God through teachings that deny him.

how cool is that?

He reveals himself through human denial . . . . in the public school system, nonetheless.


It's like,
there's no way around it.

It's kind of funny, actually.

But still, I'm amazed.


You know what's funny-er?

. . .

. .


. . . my teacher is Buddhist!

hope

So I've been eating a lot of vanilla ice cream and gummy bears.

Delicious.


I look forward to it during my day.

Hoping my grandpa didn't eat the last of the 'nilla.

Hoping my mom didn't find my gummy stash.


Joke time: What kind of bear doesn't have teeth?

Answer time: . . . . a gummy bear.

So my days have been spent hoping.



Hope.


Not like Obama phrases, but

like

real hope.

Why do we hope?

I mean, at times it's encouraging.
Keeps you going.

But at the same time it's
like
a lack of control, even?


Hope just seems like something lazy.

Hoping you still have that crutch to lean on.

Hoping instead of doing.


Or maybe it's a last resort when you've done everything possible.
Hope is left. . . . ?

iDk.

word of the day i guess.

slumpty dumpty

Bleeeehh.

You know how usually second semester of school, kids start slacking after spring break?

I think it's the same thing for veterans day.

Ever since that 3day weekend (well, 4 for me since I don't have class on fridays), I've been super lazy.

It's like I have this mindset that's like "ooooohhhhhh Alexa. It's okay if you don't study today. There's always tomorrow! And it's okay if you get a 44 out of 60. . . even though it's a "C" it still looks like a "B"! You're doing fine."

Yeah, having the voice of Satan in your head really doesn't help you study.

. . . that sounds kind of creepy.

You get it though.

ANDDDDDD. . . . we only have 3 weeks of school left before finals week.

2 1/2 if you count turkey week as half a week.

I'm constantly trying to fight that slacking urge but it's just so darn hard!

Not to mention Christmas is totally taunting me with lights and smelly candles and really bad eating habits.


Oh well.

'Tis the season, right?



I guess just pray for me to be disciplined these last few weeks and pray for wisdom.

Lots and lots of wisdom.

Super human wisdom, even.

Old post

So I saved this as a draft because I didn't know if I should post it because it's so negative.



But it's such an interesting story and such a huge turning point between Ben and me.



So I decided to post it.



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .






11/5/08








Yep.


I met Satan last night.





Her name is Kathy.


As in Ben's mom.





She honestly hates me.


I am NOT exaggerating.


Or trying to be funny.


Or witty.


Or dramatic.





I'm serious.





Previously Ben's parentals made rules such as the following:





1. I'm not allowed to spend the night there anymore in order to motivated Ben to move out.


(fair enough. . .)





2. I'm not allowed to be at their house when nobody else is. (I understand . . .)





3. I'm not allowed to have dinner at their house???? . . . . . ( Bull . )





Seriously????!!!!





Apparently I am only allowed to be at their house when Ben is.


Neither of us knew THAT rule existed so when I found out his dad was in Chicago last night on a business trip and Ben wasn't getting off work 'till 7pm I decided I would hang out with his mom and keep her company.





How inconsiderate of me.


I should be ashamed of myself to think such atrocities. . .





I guess she wanted the house to herself and when I came over she was not a happy camper.


Ben brought home a pizza to bake since his mom didn't make dinner (neither of us expected her to) and I accidentally left the pizza on the cardboard plate and it made a really funny smell when it was cooking.


Nothing happened to the pizza or the oven . . . it just made a weird smell.


So I said whoops and took the cardboard out.


No biggie right?


Wrong.





All hell broke loose.


She bitched and yelled at me . . . over cardboard.


Then when she went to bed, she texted Tom (Ben's dad) a nasty, vicious text message about me and how I come over to much and blah blah blah.





. . . . . . she accidentally sent it to Ben's cell.


Which was right next to me.


I opened it.


Read it.


Showed it to Ben.





Then HE lost it.





Yeah.


He went upstairs, showed his mom the text, she said whoops and then DEFENDED herself. . . as if she did nothing hurtful or wrong.





. . . so





apparently when I would come over to there house before Ben got off work and ate dinner with his family. . . I was breaking a rule.





When I was hanging out with his parents, getting to know them better and letting them get to know me . . . I was breaking a rule.





When his parents repeatedly told me "dont be a stranger!" and "come over anytime". . . they were lying???





You see, they do all of these nice things like take specifically me and Ben out to dinner with them, or buy me a mountain bike for my birthday . . . or let me stay at there house for a whole summer because my household was briefly in a state of chaos. . . .





Then they pull the rug out from underneath you.


Bite your head off.


Lemon in the wound.


Paper cuts between the fingers.





But come to find out it's all his mom's doing, and not his dad.


His dad and I get along great but I guess he's trying to make it seem like it's his doing as well, so the whole family doesn't hate Kathy.





And she does it to everyone who isn't biologically related to her.


Every girlfriend or boyfriend her children have ever had . . . . . she's tortured.





. . .





I don't think she realizes that if this continues, she will totally loose her son.


He was ready pack up and move right then . . . . but where.





Ben told me about his grandma in Ohio (that's where his parents grew up) and she was so horrible that she would spoil her grandchildren rotten but the grandchildren that her daughter adopted . . . she ignored.





Totally wicked step mother but . . . . wicked grandma.





(sigh)





I'm really trying not to hate right now.





Like,





REALLY





REALLY





trying.





I SO wanted to give her a piece of my mind when I read that text.





But no.





I just cried.





And it didn't help.







Honestly I don't know how someone, a mother, can be so purposely mean.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Okay.

For the record. . .

she apologized.

And she meant it, I could tell.

And things are much better now that everyone understands where everyone else is coming from.

It's been really nice actually.

I just thought I would share a little bit of what I have to endure sometimes.

And I don't think she's really Satan.

FINALLY!

FI - NA- LLY!!!!!!

OMG!

OMG!

IT!

RAINED!


. . . .


I had to get that out.
I'm so happy.
Like.
SO
happy.

There is nothing better than a full day of rain on the weekend when you have nothing to do but sit in sweat pants and soak up the glory of God via the rain.

It's the best.

Ben and I talked and talked and planned and planned about how on the first rain of the season, we're going hiking.
Cuz that was the first thing he and I ever did just the two of us.
Kind of our first date? Maybe? Unofficial?

But yeah, so I wake up the morning after halloween (sooo tired) and I should be all groggy and stuff but no. I run down the hall to Ben's room, jump on his bed to wake him up and tell him is pouring out and just as he looks at me with that "why . . . the hell . . . are you jumping . . . on me." look, . . . . . he knows.

And then he jumps up!

And then spontaneously we walk outside and down the street to the doughnut shop to get coffee and also get soaked.

Naturally we were like "yeah! we're goin' on a hike today! whoo hoo!" . . . . nope.

we stayed inside.
happy as could be.
wii'ing.
He dominated me at pool and duck hunting.
I kicked his butt at golf and fishing.

good day.
good day.

Maybe we'll do that hike . . . next time.

. . .

Maybe.